105 Symptoms to know that you're a Filipino Christian metalhead if...
Well, here it is... some of the things included here have come from other people (From Lex & from a blogsite named "A Light In The Darkness")... others twitched a bit... & some, well, came from my own viewpoints & plus from the bible. Figure out which is which. ehehe. Enjoy.
Note: Again, some of the things here are only my viewpoints. So don't flood me with hate comments or something. This is posted here for fun & enlightenment purposes only. Again I do not intend here to generalize things. Just read & enjoy. ehehe.
1. Importantly, You believe that Jesus died for you so that you will be saved through the fires of Hell, & you have accepted Him as your personal Lord & Savior.
2. You think the best band that came out of Christian metal is HORDE.
3. You dream of your band having keyboards.
4. You became the scourge of most Christian Conservatives & also Christian Fundies.
5. You stress to people that what you're actually listening to is UNBLACK METAL, not Black.
6. You choose at times to screech instead of growl because you want a degree of "understandability" in your music.
7. You're not gay, & you abhor homosexuality, because the Bible forbids it. But you're not a homophobe.
8. You also want to growl at times, especially if you're doing the defecalization activity inside the comfort room.
9. You're singing "Terminate Damnation" by Mortification while taking a bath, & at times you're being heard by the next-door neighbor who will be really horrified by the vocals that you're making inside the Bathroom.
10. You also listen to bands like Kutless & Jars Of Clay on rock stations & also Christian stations on radio, but you headbang & perform an air guitar to an invisible audience when you hear Mortification songs on radio.
11. You've developed the so-called Guttural Voice.
12. You know that Old School Death Metal fans receive free pizzas.
13. You have a guitar, & you use only a half of it, i.e. only the base strings.
14. You're performing an invisible quad while singing a Blessed By A Broken Heart song.
15. You prefer the old Mortification than the new one.
16. You prefer the old UnderOath than the new one.
17. You've managed to collect all the mp3s of all the Sorrowstorm songs from their first full-length album until their sophomore EP.
18. You're still praying (& hoping) that Roger Martinez of Vengeance Rising will return to God's fold, & compose & play some new Christian thrash metal songs for everyone.
19. You think Christian progressive is OK.
20. You think Indonesian metal scene is cool because Kekal, the pioneers of Christian UnBlack metal, comes from there.
21. You headbang to Bought By Blood in the really scarce & underground Filipino Christian metal scene.
22. You've composed an 18-minute song because you're inspired by Mortification's "EnVision EvAngelene".
23. You smile at Black metal fanatics thinking Horde is "kvlt" for them, & you know that "kvlt" for them means cool.
24. You remove the t from the word "kvlt" which makes a pseudo-Norwegian word called "kvl".
25. You know that the "v" reads like oo as in cool.
26. You dreamt of coming to Norway, Sweden, & Finland to see Lengsel, Crimson Moonlight, & Immortal Souls playing.
27. You are a Stryper fan.
28. You frown at anyone who thinks Stryper's gay because you know that they started the Christian heavy metal scene way back in 1983.
29. Drum Machines are OK, but too much is Fold Zandura.
30. You listen also to Fold Zandura, but you prefer Horde more.
31. You like downloading some of the mp3s of the songs of your favorite metal bands in free downloading sites.
32. You know about more than five possible downloading sites of the Christian metal song mp3s you desire to save into your computer.
33. You're fascinated by the rhythms the band Ajalon presents.
34. You know that most Christian Swedish bands are power metal with death vocals.
35. You turned the volume of your radio into maximum when you heard Living Sacrifice's "Not Beneath" was playing there.
36. You also contemplate a band name with the suffix -icide on it, such as demonicide, satanicide, goaticide, etc.
37. Your composed lyrics will probably be more about the imminent judgement of the evildoers & also the Wrath of God that's shown in the book of Revelation.
38. You exchanged "UnBlack metal" for your term "cool" in your everyday conversations with anyone.
Example conversation:
FCM (Filipino Christian Metalhead): Have you watched "Passion Of The Christ"?
Anyone: YEAAAHHH!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
FCM: That's so... UNBLACK METAL!!!
39. You're probably one of the handful FCM's here in the country.
40. You know those who think that FCMs are losers return their loser comment to themselves because you know by their judging of Christian Metal is lame & plain stupid just shows their box they don't wanna go out from.
41. You think mixing genres is OK for you because you know Kekal did it.
42. You don't feel down because by the grace of God you still believe that you can have a band that equals the musicality of bands such as Paramaecium & Aletheian.
43. You have a good voice that you acquired by singing Haste The Day songs five times a day.
44. You also use Horde songs to clear up your throat.
45. Your dream music video is shot in black & white.
46. You think that Norwegian language is cool.
47. You still dream of having an UnBlack Metal song with a Christian Tagalog lyrics.
48. You think that an UnBlack metal song with a Christian Tagalog lyric is awesome & grim because you know the language has been used in the movie Constantine.
49. You know that bein grim doesn't necessarliy mean you're bein satanic, but you know that the grimness can portray the different messages portrayed mostly in Christian metal (See #37)
50. You think that White metal is awesome, & you know what White metal is.
51. You also listen to Christian Doom metal bands like Paramaecium.
52. You know that Doom metal pertains to a musical genre & not to any lyrical content.
53. You always correct anyone who mistakes you for a pagan.
54. You invert any inverted crosses you see laying around.
55. You detest pentagrams or any satan-related symbols around you, including the "Cornato" hand.
56. You do the "alternative" to the "Cornato" hand, which is a thumb raised along with the two fingers raised (the pinkie & the index finger) while the other fingers are tucked inside the top of your palm.
57. You always remember that Folk elements in metal was never meant to make everyone happy, but in fact it was meant to be sorrow filled.
58. You know also there's sorrow in the Scripture.
59. You also know that there's gore in the Scripture, just as was prophesied about the death of Jesus in the book of Isaiah.
60. You have "Usvart" as your alias.
61. You know what Usvart means.
62. You know what the title of Horde's album means.
63. Even though you're an FCM, you can pronounce the Norwegian sentence that is written in the cover of Horde's album as though you were a pure Bokmaal speaker.
64. You know what Bokmaal is, & you are not just calling any Norwegian dialect as Norwegian.
65. You dream of starting your album with a five-second church bell sound such as with "A Church Bell Tolls Amidst The Frozen Nordic Winds" by Horde.
66. Everyone knows who your favorite bands are by reading your own rules about bein an FCM.
67. You think that the lyrics of Lengsel's songs are very emotional.
68. You think Frost Like Ashes is cool because you know that they are one of the pioneering bands that mixed death & "black" metal music, & smiles at the fact that they're Christians.
69. You envision having Of The Son's songs in the Praise & Worship sessions at your church.
70. You became overjoyed at the fact that Nicko McBrain, the long time drummer of the seckie band Iron Maiden, has become a Christian.
71. You also listen to Christian emo bands such as Dear Ephesus & Further Seems Forever, but you still prefer Horde more.
72. You mourned at the fact that the "Metal Madness" show on the only Philippine Rock music station NU 107.5 has disappeared.
73. You still believe that Kekal is cool because they're Southeast Asians like you do.
74. You also believe that bands like Zao, Norma Jean, & Demon Hunter are cool.
75. At times you hate melodic music, at times you're not.
76. You know that you'll go to the place you've known already if you feel guilty reading #75 but lie to people about it.
77. You've composed a song that has a very long title.
Example:
"The Eternal damnation of the once was, now is not, & will come up out of the Abyss and go to his destruction" is a very typical title.
78. The only exciting show for you on NU 107 is Against The Flow. But you have the recorded episode of "Metal Madness" when Pigs With Pearls were featured &, Stryper, Mortification, & Still Remains were played.
79. You're also hoping that the show "Time Bomb" on NU 107 will feature Crashdog, Officer Negative, or One Bad Pig
80. You're a closet old school Christian punk rocker, but Horde's still your preferred band.
81. You're also a Petrahead.
82. You mourned over Petra when they disbanded a few months ago.
83. You're thankful to God for Larry Norman because He used the guy to put some Scripture into contemporary music. You know that Larry's the pioneer of Contemporary Christian Music, & also Christian rock.
84. As Cities Burn is one very exceptional band for you. You're amazed by their ethereal hardcore music.
85. You're not a Christian hxc (hardcore) fan, but you're still amazed by As Cities Burn.
86. As I lay Dying is still so OK for you, even though their albums are too short for you to relax upon.
87. You dance to the song "Walk Without Limbs" by Virgin Black.
88. Crimson Thorn is very awesome for you.
89. You're singing Slechtvalk songs within 50 meters of anyone while walking across the street.
90. You have no trouble over singing Exousia's Spanish songs.
91. You think that Narnia's songs are so anime soundtrack-ish.
92. You also know that Narnia is a name of a Swedish Christian progressive metal band, not just the place which C.S. Lewis writes about.
93. You believe that mixing hip-hop with Christian death or UnBlack metal is possible, since Frank's Enemy & Kekal did it.
94. You also envision of Metal Praise & Worship sessions at your church, just like what Sons Of Thunder plays.
95. You always grab a straw after ordering a meal at Jollibee (Jollibee is Philippines' answer to McDonald's) & then raise it up for everyone to see, & then you growl, "STRAWS OF THE MEGILLOOOTTTHHH!!!" & then perform an air-guitar to the already irritated people around you.
96. You're playing with your three-year old brother wherein you chase him with your "bloody" (actually it's tomato ketchup) claws (with matching "witch" claws from a witch costume set given to you more than a decade ago by someone) while growling, "CLAWS OF THE MEGILLOOOTTTHHH!!!".
97. You know that drummers get the major workout in gigs.
98. You thought Encryptor was the bomb.
99. Your composed lyrics must be extremely complex & very very poetic.
100. You've e-mailed & begged Extol to come into your place & perform their face-melting metal music.
101. You've given all your Korn, Slipknot, & Limp Bizkit CDs to your sister or you displayed them already in your garage sale at a very very low price to get rid of them as soon as possible.
102. Ashen Mortality is also an OK Christian doom metal band for you.
103. You insist that Unblack metal is musically different than all that "seckie junk."
104. Drugs , Sex, & Alcohol are not UnBlack metal.
105. You're bein judged by Christian conservatives & fundies as a drug addict, because you admire "Devil's music." Because many drug addicts according to them listen to Metal music...
Well, that's all for now...
Note: Again, some of the things here are only my viewpoints. So don't flood me with hate comments or something. This is posted here for fun & enlightenment purposes only. Again I do not intend here to generalize things. Just read & enjoy. ehehe.
1. Importantly, You believe that Jesus died for you so that you will be saved through the fires of Hell, & you have accepted Him as your personal Lord & Savior.
2. You think the best band that came out of Christian metal is HORDE.
3. You dream of your band having keyboards.
4. You became the scourge of most Christian Conservatives & also Christian Fundies.
5. You stress to people that what you're actually listening to is UNBLACK METAL, not Black.
6. You choose at times to screech instead of growl because you want a degree of "understandability" in your music.
7. You're not gay, & you abhor homosexuality, because the Bible forbids it. But you're not a homophobe.
8. You also want to growl at times, especially if you're doing the defecalization activity inside the comfort room.
9. You're singing "Terminate Damnation" by Mortification while taking a bath, & at times you're being heard by the next-door neighbor who will be really horrified by the vocals that you're making inside the Bathroom.
10. You also listen to bands like Kutless & Jars Of Clay on rock stations & also Christian stations on radio, but you headbang & perform an air guitar to an invisible audience when you hear Mortification songs on radio.
11. You've developed the so-called Guttural Voice.
12. You know that Old School Death Metal fans receive free pizzas.
13. You have a guitar, & you use only a half of it, i.e. only the base strings.
14. You're performing an invisible quad while singing a Blessed By A Broken Heart song.
15. You prefer the old Mortification than the new one.
16. You prefer the old UnderOath than the new one.
17. You've managed to collect all the mp3s of all the Sorrowstorm songs from their first full-length album until their sophomore EP.
18. You're still praying (& hoping) that Roger Martinez of Vengeance Rising will return to God's fold, & compose & play some new Christian thrash metal songs for everyone.
19. You think Christian progressive is OK.
20. You think Indonesian metal scene is cool because Kekal, the pioneers of Christian UnBlack metal, comes from there.
21. You headbang to Bought By Blood in the really scarce & underground Filipino Christian metal scene.
22. You've composed an 18-minute song because you're inspired by Mortification's "EnVision EvAngelene".
23. You smile at Black metal fanatics thinking Horde is "kvlt" for them, & you know that "kvlt" for them means cool.
24. You remove the t from the word "kvlt" which makes a pseudo-Norwegian word called "kvl".
25. You know that the "v" reads like oo as in cool.
26. You dreamt of coming to Norway, Sweden, & Finland to see Lengsel, Crimson Moonlight, & Immortal Souls playing.
27. You are a Stryper fan.
28. You frown at anyone who thinks Stryper's gay because you know that they started the Christian heavy metal scene way back in 1983.
29. Drum Machines are OK, but too much is Fold Zandura.
30. You listen also to Fold Zandura, but you prefer Horde more.
31. You like downloading some of the mp3s of the songs of your favorite metal bands in free downloading sites.
32. You know about more than five possible downloading sites of the Christian metal song mp3s you desire to save into your computer.
33. You're fascinated by the rhythms the band Ajalon presents.
34. You know that most Christian Swedish bands are power metal with death vocals.
35. You turned the volume of your radio into maximum when you heard Living Sacrifice's "Not Beneath" was playing there.
36. You also contemplate a band name with the suffix -icide on it, such as demonicide, satanicide, goaticide, etc.
37. Your composed lyrics will probably be more about the imminent judgement of the evildoers & also the Wrath of God that's shown in the book of Revelation.
38. You exchanged "UnBlack metal" for your term "cool" in your everyday conversations with anyone.
Example conversation:
FCM (Filipino Christian Metalhead): Have you watched "Passion Of The Christ"?
Anyone: YEAAAHHH!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
FCM: That's so... UNBLACK METAL!!!
39. You're probably one of the handful FCM's here in the country.
40. You know those who think that FCMs are losers return their loser comment to themselves because you know by their judging of Christian Metal is lame & plain stupid just shows their box they don't wanna go out from.
41. You think mixing genres is OK for you because you know Kekal did it.
42. You don't feel down because by the grace of God you still believe that you can have a band that equals the musicality of bands such as Paramaecium & Aletheian.
43. You have a good voice that you acquired by singing Haste The Day songs five times a day.
44. You also use Horde songs to clear up your throat.
45. Your dream music video is shot in black & white.
46. You think that Norwegian language is cool.
47. You still dream of having an UnBlack Metal song with a Christian Tagalog lyrics.
48. You think that an UnBlack metal song with a Christian Tagalog lyric is awesome & grim because you know the language has been used in the movie Constantine.
49. You know that bein grim doesn't necessarliy mean you're bein satanic, but you know that the grimness can portray the different messages portrayed mostly in Christian metal (See #37)
50. You think that White metal is awesome, & you know what White metal is.
51. You also listen to Christian Doom metal bands like Paramaecium.
52. You know that Doom metal pertains to a musical genre & not to any lyrical content.
53. You always correct anyone who mistakes you for a pagan.
54. You invert any inverted crosses you see laying around.
55. You detest pentagrams or any satan-related symbols around you, including the "Cornato" hand.
56. You do the "alternative" to the "Cornato" hand, which is a thumb raised along with the two fingers raised (the pinkie & the index finger) while the other fingers are tucked inside the top of your palm.
57. You always remember that Folk elements in metal was never meant to make everyone happy, but in fact it was meant to be sorrow filled.
58. You know also there's sorrow in the Scripture.
59. You also know that there's gore in the Scripture, just as was prophesied about the death of Jesus in the book of Isaiah.
60. You have "Usvart" as your alias.
61. You know what Usvart means.
62. You know what the title of Horde's album means.
63. Even though you're an FCM, you can pronounce the Norwegian sentence that is written in the cover of Horde's album as though you were a pure Bokmaal speaker.
64. You know what Bokmaal is, & you are not just calling any Norwegian dialect as Norwegian.
65. You dream of starting your album with a five-second church bell sound such as with "A Church Bell Tolls Amidst The Frozen Nordic Winds" by Horde.
66. Everyone knows who your favorite bands are by reading your own rules about bein an FCM.
67. You think that the lyrics of Lengsel's songs are very emotional.
68. You think Frost Like Ashes is cool because you know that they are one of the pioneering bands that mixed death & "black" metal music, & smiles at the fact that they're Christians.
69. You envision having Of The Son's songs in the Praise & Worship sessions at your church.
70. You became overjoyed at the fact that Nicko McBrain, the long time drummer of the seckie band Iron Maiden, has become a Christian.
71. You also listen to Christian emo bands such as Dear Ephesus & Further Seems Forever, but you still prefer Horde more.
72. You mourned at the fact that the "Metal Madness" show on the only Philippine Rock music station NU 107.5 has disappeared.
73. You still believe that Kekal is cool because they're Southeast Asians like you do.
74. You also believe that bands like Zao, Norma Jean, & Demon Hunter are cool.
75. At times you hate melodic music, at times you're not.
76. You know that you'll go to the place you've known already if you feel guilty reading #75 but lie to people about it.
77. You've composed a song that has a very long title.
Example:
"The Eternal damnation of the once was, now is not, & will come up out of the Abyss and go to his destruction" is a very typical title.
78. The only exciting show for you on NU 107 is Against The Flow. But you have the recorded episode of "Metal Madness" when Pigs With Pearls were featured &, Stryper, Mortification, & Still Remains were played.
79. You're also hoping that the show "Time Bomb" on NU 107 will feature Crashdog, Officer Negative, or One Bad Pig
80. You're a closet old school Christian punk rocker, but Horde's still your preferred band.
81. You're also a Petrahead.
82. You mourned over Petra when they disbanded a few months ago.
83. You're thankful to God for Larry Norman because He used the guy to put some Scripture into contemporary music. You know that Larry's the pioneer of Contemporary Christian Music, & also Christian rock.
84. As Cities Burn is one very exceptional band for you. You're amazed by their ethereal hardcore music.
85. You're not a Christian hxc (hardcore) fan, but you're still amazed by As Cities Burn.
86. As I lay Dying is still so OK for you, even though their albums are too short for you to relax upon.
87. You dance to the song "Walk Without Limbs" by Virgin Black.
88. Crimson Thorn is very awesome for you.
89. You're singing Slechtvalk songs within 50 meters of anyone while walking across the street.
90. You have no trouble over singing Exousia's Spanish songs.
91. You think that Narnia's songs are so anime soundtrack-ish.
92. You also know that Narnia is a name of a Swedish Christian progressive metal band, not just the place which C.S. Lewis writes about.
93. You believe that mixing hip-hop with Christian death or UnBlack metal is possible, since Frank's Enemy & Kekal did it.
94. You also envision of Metal Praise & Worship sessions at your church, just like what Sons Of Thunder plays.
95. You always grab a straw after ordering a meal at Jollibee (Jollibee is Philippines' answer to McDonald's) & then raise it up for everyone to see, & then you growl, "STRAWS OF THE MEGILLOOOTTTHHH!!!" & then perform an air-guitar to the already irritated people around you.
96. You're playing with your three-year old brother wherein you chase him with your "bloody" (actually it's tomato ketchup) claws (with matching "witch" claws from a witch costume set given to you more than a decade ago by someone) while growling, "CLAWS OF THE MEGILLOOOTTTHHH!!!".
97. You know that drummers get the major workout in gigs.
98. You thought Encryptor was the bomb.
99. Your composed lyrics must be extremely complex & very very poetic.
100. You've e-mailed & begged Extol to come into your place & perform their face-melting metal music.
101. You've given all your Korn, Slipknot, & Limp Bizkit CDs to your sister or you displayed them already in your garage sale at a very very low price to get rid of them as soon as possible.
102. Ashen Mortality is also an OK Christian doom metal band for you.
103. You insist that Unblack metal is musically different than all that "seckie junk."
104. Drugs , Sex, & Alcohol are not UnBlack metal.
105. You're bein judged by Christian conservatives & fundies as a drug addict, because you admire "Devil's music." Because many drug addicts according to them listen to Metal music...
Well, that's all for now...
posted by Nikko at 11:46 PM
1 comments
